It is a wonderful feeling to get behind the wheel for your first driving lesson. I felt extremely happy when Milicent told me to drive. So I pressed down the clutch, turned the car on, began adding gas while releasing the clutch slowly. I however released the clutch too much and the car died. After 30 days of learning, i was able to start the car and drive around somewhat. 30 days in itself does not really give you much practice, so how qualufied are you as i driver? When i got my temporary driving license, i felt like no one could stop me or stand in my way. I felt qualified to role with the big guys, along with crazy matatu drivers. Hahahaha. Milicent always called me the “matatu driver” (SMILE). Although i was qualified, was i ready to take the risks and protect life? When you are given that license, you are automatically handed the lives of all users in your hand. You are handed the responsibility to protect your life and that of other road users. Many times, unplanned accidents happened because we made a decision not to take care of someone’s life. Over Christmas, i came to understand that most accidents are caused by 16-17 year olds. When they receive a car for their 16 or 17th birthday, they go on high speed on the roads, putting their lives, passengers and other road users’ lives at risk. When you sit behind that wgeel, you are likely to cause accidents you didn’t plan. In the same way, when your parents set you free from home, you are allowed to make your own choices. You might choose to squander your money on sweet nothings or get unwanted pregnancy. Those are accidents of life. When you hold the wheel of hour life, the choices you make are determined by you and no one will take responsiblity for the outcome of your life. You are making the choices, and the accidents that come ftom those choices are yours alone. However, when you allow an expert to hold that wheel for you, lets say your driver, your parents and above all, God, you are likely to have less accidents. When I sit behind the wheel of my life, I tend to make a mess of it. When i try to do things of my own wheel, i fall flat on my face. When I allow God to sit behind the wheel of my life, he helps me follow his instructions, so that i can be a better driver. I find myself making less accidents or none at all. Joseph allowed God to have the wheel of his life. He allowed God to sit in the driver’s seat, because he knew that if he drove his own life, he would cause unwanted accidents. He was sold because of jealosy, too handsome to be passed by his master’s wife and too smart to waste his talent in prison. God took care of him because he allowed him to drive.

My request was nothing to begin with,

Yet you listened to every detailed word.

The detailed description was just a dream on my heart,

yet you listened to every Detailed word.

I laid down in my slumber with a heavy heart.

You awoke me with joy.

My request was nothing to begin with,

Yet you listened to every detailed word.

I saw him sitting at the table with familiar faces.

His face was joyous and filled with amusement.

They were all merry, reaching across the table sharing food.

In my slumber, i saw me outside the dream,

Sitting on the edge of my bed and asking you for a a chance to see him.

You left out no detail of my request.

How real can you get Lord?

I could not help but smile at you Father.

You listen to both big and small prayers.

To you, they are all the same, as long as they are earnest.

He got up and wwalked towards me. How real can you get Lord.

He took me in his arms just as i had requested.

We stood there in a long embrace and i knew you were there.

O Lord, how real can you get?

Your enormous love never ends.

In my desperate moments, I find no answer to my big requests.

It all seems Iike you have turned a deft ear to me.

Yet in th most insignificant requestlike a dream, you grant my request.

How real can you get Father?

All that’s left of me is to say thank you.

Thank you for listening to ALL my prayers, both great and small.

God is so amazing. The moments spent in prayer with him always leaves me light hearted after we have had an understanding. Today morning as I was turning in for bed, I took off my bathrobe so I could sleep (Don’t worry, I had my PJs underneath). I had just spend about 30 minutes praying and talking to God, and in the meantime had warmed up my bathrobe. As I turned off the lights and was folding the bathrobe, the little crackling noises came from the robe. In the dark, I could see the sparks of light; almost as if the fireworks were celebrating the time I had just had with God.

I turned the lights back on and began writing. As I was writing about the sparks, two thoughts occurred in my head. We are always scared of the dark, yet the Bible said the light and darkness don’t have a union. The darkness fears light. In as much as these little sparks were small, the glowed in the darkness, letting me see them. If I had left big lights on, I would not have seen those tiny sparks in the darkness. This revelation reminded me of our faith.

We have people with little faith and small brilliant ideas, yet they refuse to venture out because they are comparing themselves with the great Christians of faith shown or seen on TV. We think we can never match up to them.

The good thing is that God does not call people with big faiths. Jesus said, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can tell a mountain to move and it will move. Not everyone is gifted with the same gifts. God has given us all a measure of faith and we need not hide behind big names or figures. Sometimes we tend to hide behind big lights or are scared to let the faith we have shine, because we are often shadowed by the big person that we look up to, hoping to one day be like them. God has called you to know your mission and know how you can serve God with the little he has given you.

If the big lights were on, I would not have seen the little sparks made in the dark by my own clothing had the lights been on. God does not need you to compare yourself. He needs you to do your best like the sparks of light in the dark. They glowed, announcing their presence. Your faith needs to glow in the dark, in the light and in the sunshine. Let is glow no matter how small it is. Your gifts are yours and you need to nurture them according to how God wants to use you. Stand up for your faith and don’t hide behind someone else’s faith.

It’s all about you Jesus. And all this is for you, for your glory and your fame. It’s not about me, as if you should do things my way. You alone are God and I surrender, to your ways.

May I have no excuse for not serving you Father

May my heart be a bundle of joy for you Lord

May I not say what I want, but only what you want Lord

May I not join in conversations that you will not join in Father

May I have a heart that’s quick to forgive like yours Father

May I not give solutions to problems, but pray for them Lord

May I not think myself better than other, but show me how I can become a better person

May I never say what you would not say Jesus

May I go where I know you would go Lord

May I watch what I know you would Father

My life is not my own, to you I belong, I give myself to you.

Lord, have me as I am and change the me that I want, to the me that you want Father.

Help me to stop asking “what’s wrong with this person; to what does Jesus see when he looks at this person?

Father, I want to grow more into your word. I want to connect with you in every way.

Take my hand Lord. I am yours.

‘So the Israelites divided the land, just as the Lord had commanded Moses’ Joshua 14:5. I should seriously be beaten for the thoughts that went through my head. I have no idea how much you are familiar with the story of the Israelites’ exodus from Egypt, crossing the red sea, getting punished for taking charge of a mission started by God, given forty years of punishment in the desert and countless times, going against God’s authority and Moses, Joshua having to plead on their behalf, just so that God’s anger will not burn against them. YEP. So they finally did something as God commanded them. I might seem cruel for picking on them, but it’s really true. When you read Exodus and Deuteronomy, you will find, a constant irritation (God’s side) and tears (leaders’ side) and spoil children. OK. Fine, going through that desert was not a joke if you had to eat manna every single day. So my thought was, ‘these people obeyed whole heartedly when it benefitted them.’

That brings me back to the present. Let’s be honest. Isn’t that the same thing that happens to us almost every time? When God promises us something, we make sure that we are very obedient so that he gives us that which he has promised. When days, weeks and years go by and the promise still does not get fulfilled, we begin to lose faith just like the Israelites and begin to take matters in our own hands while questioning God.

I won’t pick on anyone but me. When I entered my first relationship, time went by in months, and I came to understand that something was not quite right. I felt like I was cheating in some way. I was on my way to declaring myself a full Christian, I was in a relationship. Not that it was a bad relationship. It was fine. I just didn’t see God’s hand in it. I didn’t think I was doing myself, nor the man and most of God any justice if he was not in that relationship. I ended the relationship. The man was too perfect for me and I felt inadequate to reciprocate the affection he gave me, because he was not meant for me. If you are doing something, half-heartedly, wouldn’t it mean you are cheating yourself, God and whatever you are doing? I explained to him my dilemma and I know I broke his heart. I would rather break a heart than lie to it and break it, in a way that it will never rebuild itself again. I am not being cold hearted. I am just giving you the truth of the matter.

After reading Psalm 34:7, which says to delight oneself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart, I then made a promised to God that I would not go out with any other man, unless that man accomplished three things for me. I told him that those three things would be the sign that the man has been chosen by God for me to marry. God knows how much I really wanted to live by his word and follow his ways. I didn’t want to go out with numerous guys to look for the kind of man that I wanted. I wanted God to be my first and last love. I went to the point of telling him that if I am called to a life of celibacy, I would follow it. However, I found that I was not called to such a life.

Four years went by and still no man came along that could accomplished those three things. I began to lose faith just like the Israelites. I began to take charge of my mind and thoughts. ‘Maybe, if any guy showed interest in me, we would kick it off and God will tell me if he was the one or not. I didn’t like the idea either. However, I had all these emotions built up and wanted to share them with someone. We hate to be real and often feel awkward talking about our feelings as Christians. Well, I won’t hide it. When this tall man came along on that day, I thought to myself, why bother. He is just another one of those men who go around breaking hearts. Although I said I wish he was mine, I waited for God. In as much as I wanted to take charge, I still had my sense and dignity around me to wait for him. God heard the prayer I had made at 18, and he heard my prayer again when I revised it in 2012. Yet still, he continues to hear my prayer every day. I am not saying, we are having wedding bells anytime soon, but that the three things were fulfilled and I wait in anticipation for God’s continual guidance.

I learnt not to serve God for a reward, but because I loved God for whom he was and is to me. I love God because he is my faithful friend. Through the love I built with him, I was able to continue loving him more than before because I realized that even without this wonderful man in my life, giving me all this attention, God has always been there and will always be there in the future. I will continue to love him, because while I was still a sinner, he demonstrated his love for me by sending his son to die for me (Rom 5:8) Do you obey and serve God because you love him or because of a reward he promised you? 

Talk to me at gooddian2013@gmail.com if you have any questions.

The rains have come and gone. Time is swiftly moving on. Autumn is over, and the beautiful green leaves, I met two and half months ago, have slowly turned yellow, and now are brown, lying on the green grass that’s soon to be covered in white.

Just yesterday that I came off the plane, bundled up in three-layer clothing. Then two-layer clothing became the norm for a while and I finally got a chance to wear one piece of clothing, though the wind made it hard to enjoy the beautiful sun. Those few days were short lived, for the cycle began again. This time heading towards, the refrigerator (snow). Days have become shorter, for the lights are turned on by 4:30 p.m. and one just feel like they have intruded on someone’s dream.

How I wait in anticipation for it. The excitement mounting to an extend that I was disappointed when it rained today and the stars and moon, came out for the first time since I have been here in the last two and half months. I was thrilled at seeing the moon and stars, but disappointed that it wasn’t the snow. Why should my anxiety grow, when everyone else dreads it?

Before I know it, spring will be upon us and summer will mark the end of my studies.

Wow, let me stop fast forwarding time. But I only have 24 more days till my first semester is over. Time flies by without us noticing. James 4:13-17 says ” Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”  As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. 17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”

Make whatever plans you want, but know that time flies .

I will never stop being amazed at how God works. He will let you vent all you want. He will let you cry all the tears you can muster up and will even hold you while you do so. He will not stop you from crying, which is contrary to why you went to him. NOPE!!!!!!! He will let you cry all those tears, till you have none to spare. When you are done, he will then begin.

Well, he won’t scold you or tell you it’s ok. On the contrary, he will direct your heart to the root causes of your anguish. Why do I think my tears were justified?

It’s always easy to feel justified in anger and frustration. It’s always easy to blame someone for the things that didn’t go our way. Or it’s easy to look at the other’s mistakes and take up the victim’s role. HMMMM!!!!!! Am I actually staying on track?

I actually wrote this post last week and was debating whether or not to post it.

My story is really long but short. I had been worried about marks left by pimples on my face. I had been worried about what people thought of me. I tried to assume what was going through their minds every time they stared at me. You know those uncomfortable stares that people give you and you wonder if you have food on your lips, or things between your teeth? YES, That kind of stare. It just makes you want to crawl into a hole and never see the daylight again.

I cried every time someone stared at me with a questioning look. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I didn’t see me, but someone else.

Out of nowhere, I began to have resentment, anger and frustration coming out of me. Every night, I cried and without realizing it, I directed my anger and frustration at my beloved Jesus, who died for my tears.

Well tonight (7days ago), this song came to my mind and I could not stop singing it. The words go like this: you are beautiful beyond description, too marvellous for words; too wonderful for comprehension, like nothing ever seen or heard. Who can grasp your infinite wisdom? Who can fathom the depth of your love? You are beautiful beyond description, majesty enthrone above. And I stand; I stand, in awe of you.

As I reflected on the words of the song, I then asked myself, why I have been crying those tears. Why have I been bothered by what people thought? I have to confess that it has been something I wrestled with for years. Whom have I been crying those tears for? The man that loves me cares little about my face, so why should I care what people see?

How could I get mad at the man who drew people to him, although Isaiah said, he had no beauty or majesty? Yet because of the beauty in his heart, we are his disciples. So why should I care how people perceive me? He looks not at the outward appearance, but my heart and how I see myself. So why did I bother so much and build up so much pain? Why do you bother so much?

After venting out to the man I have hurt the most, he gently led me to reflect on who I was. That’s when I realized I had been crying ‘The Wrong Tears’.

It’s easy to fall in love.

How wouldn’t you, when all you can think about is Him.

When you close your eyes his face appears

When you walk down the streets your hands are intertwined.

When the wind blows your hair, he tucks it behind your ears,

How will you not fall in love with Him?

He gently bandages the wound on your forehead

The cut on your knee he nurses into a beautiful scar.

The inexplicable smile on your face speaks of secrets unknown.

The trees shade your steps together.

How will you not fall in love with Him?

 Then all that remains is the memories.

You can’t help but wonder where you went wrong.

His presence begins to fade with each passing day.

 His gentle arms are but a memory

His comforting voice speaks from memory

His words of wisdom seem but a routine.

When did this love become A Broken Heart???

Day and night the tears fall without ceasing

The memories hurt more than the actual pain

Wasn’t it meant to be forever?

Had I just misread the gestures for something more?

Is this what A Broken Heart feels like?

If this is how a relationship feels like,

I shouldn’t hold on too tight to love.

If this is how it ends, I should not even let it get close

Is this the relationship we carry with God?

Is this the pain he carries for us, when we break his heart?

Love is a word we use, to express our feelings, emotions and affections to someone we are fond of.

According to the online definitions, love as a noun is “a strong feeling of affection,” “a great interest and pleasure in something.” As a verb, it is defined as “to feel deep affection for someone” (sexually). We will discuss this question based off the second definition.

How do you know that you “love” someone? How can you proof you are in love? Can you proof that those feelings exist? How do you decide that this is love, when you can’t see or touch it? If you can believe in love which you can’t see, and you are ready to walk down that aile  or sign papers in court, on the conviction that you are in love; why then is it so hard for people to believe in God? Why is the thought of him “abstract” to you?

Isn’t the term “love” just an abstract word that has been placed to give one an idea of what you feel inside?

 Jesus sure was right when he said over 2000 years ago in John 14:17 that “The Spirit of Truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.”

Like Solomon said, there’s nothing new under the sun. How much evidence do you need to see before you acknowledge that Jesus had predicted that this was going to be your unrest? You acknowledge based on tangible evidence to proof that something exists. How do you know that this is the one when you cannot proof that your feelings exist?

If you were with Jesus back then, would your story of abstractness change? Do you have to see him in order to believe that he exists? Take a moment and think about this: “Sometimes I wonder… will God ever forgive us for what we’ve done to each other? Then I look around and I realize… God left this place a long time ago.” Danny Archer.

Is this the reason why, you think God is abstract, floating in my mind? Then how do you explain such a phrase “I believe…” when you use in determining your view on an argument? Isn’t that a sign of faith?

Does Jesus have to really appear before you, to proof that his hypothesis was correct? He predicted that the world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. The answer is NO. The world has proved his hypothesis correct, when it rejects him and writes him off as fiction, abstractness and as myth.

The good news is, that only those who have faith that Jesus lives will see him in their everyday life. He gives them a reason to continue living. How do you know you are in love, when you cannot see or touch it, and claim that you cannot believe in a God whom you can’t see or touch? Wouldn’t it mean love does not exist, since you can’t see or touch it?