Monthly Archives: January 2015

WELCOME HOME

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It has been six days since I arrived home from England. The first few days were unbearable with the heat, due to the fact that I left England below zero degrees and jumped straight to 27 degrees. However, I am slowly adjusting to the heat. It has been a great joy to be back home with my sister and her two adorable daughters. These two girls are bundle of joy to be with, although they are quite a handful. Little Lydia is always busy finding weird thing to put in her mouth, and loves the kitchen just a little too much. I enjoy the fact that she does not cry, but only does so when she wants to sleep and loves food so much. Yesterday morning she didn’t want me to go to school. This morning she wanted me to carry her, but I was late for school and as a special gift to her, I shall carry her for the rest of the day when I get home. Her cute adorable eyes can melt one’s heart, even the hardest of hearts. She is strong, smart and joyful like her sister. Anna (almost 4) goes to school every morning. She’s a little stubborn, smart for her age, talkative and is just so adorable. She loves juice and frizzy drinks a little too much. Almost everything in the house seems to be hers as she claims it. In all, these two youngsters melt my heart with their cute little faces and bright eyes. They do take after their mother with the beauty. Talking about these two girls can take all day, especially when it concerns Lydia Elisabeth always running into the kitchen to find water and put her hands inside. She loves water more than any baby I have seen. She even helps her mother to wash herself and she’s only 10months old. Will be a year in March. See what I mean….

Being back home has been relieving and encouraging to me. I have missed everything about home, especially the progress and regress of conditions in my society. There is a lot of infrastructure going on in the outskirts of the city, new businesses rising from one corner to the next. Along this progress, we have the downside where the food prices are rising as well as the taxi fare. People spend more and get less benefits. The irony in almost every country.

I had never known that Cameroon has benefits services, till my sister explained the process of CNPS (will look into that one) scheme. This has really put me in a cheerful mood, just to understand the efforts made by my poor little country with all its problems.

INTERESTING HIGHLIGHTS

POLICE in ACTION

Speaking of problems, I had my first encounter with the Police on Monday while in a car to see an elderly lady. My friend’s mom gave me a ride to the SIL working area, which was right next to their house. While in traffic, the taxi and some road owners decided to form a second line in the pedestrian walkway. My friend’s mom was positioned in the correct line, as we moved forward. On reaching a certain point on the road, we met the police, which had forced everyone in the front to form a single line and the others who had formed two lines forced their way into the single line. Now my friend’s mom maintained her position and the police on the Motorbike came close to her and said “Madame, see how you are disturbing order on the road? You have formed a second line when there’s only one line.” My friend’s mom tried to explain that the others on the right are the ones who have formed the line not her, but he keep insisting that she formed a lined to disturb the road. It was apparent to me that he wanted to create a problem and wanted her to pay, so I rolled down my window from the back and told these two men that it wasn’t her. We have been in the same line like everyone else, but the others decided to form a second line. The first time they ignored me. We stood in the middle of the road for about 2minutes discussing the fact that my friend’s mom didn’t do anything wrong.

I was getting really frustrated, because I could clearly tell that they wanted to put her in a box. So I spoke up again, but this time with much more authority. I clearly stated to them that we have been following the correct line and they others had pushed their way through on the pedestrian walkway. They should be focusing their attention on those people not us. This time they turned to me angrily and asked me if they were talking to me. Man! I wanted to step out of the car, had they continued. I maintained eye contact with them and clearly stated one more time to them that she was not in the wrong. When my friend’s mom drove off without so much as another word to them, they continued down the road, and I was still very mad at them for disregarding those in the wrong and causing trouble for those following the rules. Had the conversation gone further, I probably would have given them a good lecture on their duties as road patrol police.

Not Black but Albino

Coming back from the Hospital with my sister and her daughter, we reached the Motorbike riders, who would take us to where my sister lives. As I found a bike to climb, some men made a comment in French and my sister understood half of what they said. When I asked her later, she thought they said I had bleached my skin to be white. When my sister’s husband came home and we asked him what the French word meant, he said it meant albino. The question I had for myself was, “How many shades lighter did I become while in England for a year and 4 months? Naturally, my mother’s family has a lighter colour than my father’s side. When we are under the sun, we get tan greatly and when we are covered, our skin colour returns. I have always been a sports woman while in Africa, and I have always seem darker than my siblings. To come back and be lighter than them, surprised me. To have outsiders calling me an albino made me question the impact and damage of the Sun on my skin. This didn’t bother me as much as the person who said it. Are these people really that blind or are they so dark that they cannot tell a black skin person from an albino? That was one of the things that picked my interest in my country.

Anyways, I have taken up volunteer work at my former high school as a Volunteer Staff member. So far, I have been able to sub-in for a number of teachers who have gone on the Mt. Cameroon climb. Yesterday I supervised one class and today, I did three classes. It has been refreshing to be the teacher and not the student. It really feels good to be on the other side of the coin. Maybe I am feeling good, because this is not my daily job. Most people complain half the time about the students. So far, they have been listening and doing their work. My last class today was a Geography class for the 11/12 grade class. They started off with a map quiz and continued taking notes on a unit they had started on Wednesday.

I am really loving the idea of being home, although I am missing my friends greatly back in Bradford. Right now, I long for a balance between the cold snow and the sunny dusty weather here. Even with the fans on, the classrooms are still boiling hot. What a contrast? I am home and loving it.

TRUSTING

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“But as for me, I am filled with power, with the Spirit of the Lord, and with justice and might, to declare to Jacob his transgression, to Israel his sin” Micah 3:8

The book of Micah has so much to teach us today as all other books in the Bible. The first few verses of chapter three describes the cruelty with which the leaders treat the people, which in no means is better than how most leaders today treat their people. When we look around the world, we see so much suffering, cruelty inflicted upon citizens in many different countries, mostly by insurgents and leaders. Every human being has a right to protection from insecurity, but lately, they have been used as a bargaining chip by leaders who seek power, wealth and pursue ideologies at the expense of their citizens.

In Micah’s time, he protested against the actions of these leaders, explaining the calamity that will befall them should they continue to inflict pain on the people. However, others (false prophets) who wanted to gain from these circumstances, declared peace when Micah was told destruction would come. To these prophets, Micah said, they will not have any answers from God (vs 5-7). Micah on the other hand, is filled with power, with God’s Spirit and with justice and might, which enables him to speak truth and expose the sins of Israel (vs 8).

They have trusted in bloodshed and wickedness, bribes, prices and use their positions to gain wealth. At the end of the day, they proclaim God as their support saying “Isn’t God among us? No disaster will come upon us”

Since I have been home after my studies, many people have been asking what my next step is. Obviously, I am home to stay and find a job. What will I accomplish with my Peace studies degree? Like Micah, I know that God has called me to be back home in Cameroon where so much is going on. I do not understand all of it myself, but I know and have a great feeling that God has wonderful plans for me. I want to see my country with God’s eyes and to love the people with a heart that loves God. I want to expose the cruelty that holds my people captive and suppresses them. The people are angry not just at the leaders, but they have turned to hate each other, especially those who tend to progress ahead of them. This is as a result of so much injustices, corruption, occults and many other factors that I am not aware of. I want to be filled with God’s power, his spirit and I want to see justice and might reign in this place. What can a small young lady like myself do? I am always reminded of the many people that God used in the Bible to accomplish the most impossible tasks. David, Esther, Gideon, Joshua to name a few, where very young men and women whom God chose to let his glory shine through.

Our society today is no different from the Israelites in the days of Micah. People use God as a cover up of their evil deeds, holding the Bible in one hand, holding a bribe or witchcraft in another. At the end of the day, they proclaim God’s providence, when someone’s blood screams in their hands. Many people are being killed in God’s name, when in actual fact God hates murder. People misinterpret the Bible for what pleases them at the expense of a whole population. What can I do as an individual in my society to help the helpless? Should I fall in line with everyone or should I embrace God’s divine love, mercy and justice and stand up for the truth? Should I use bribery to get where I want to be? Will that be me taking matters in my own hands or will I be trusting in the Lord’s providence? Where does my trust reside?

As for me, I am filled with power and a different vision for my future. The one and only king who called me to his service will lead and direct the path that I follow. For it was him who created this world and thought it good. If I can bring some goodness back into it no matter how small it may seem, I shall do exactly that. I am a Cameroonian and very proud of it. It may be chaotic right now. I may not have a job or money to use as my insurance, but that does not matter. For wealth disappears, but the one who has power to make a whole world out of nothing stands guard over his flock. He never fails and he is always the strength and voice that we lack. In him is found true justice, wisdom, courage and means to possibilities when we face the impossibilities. That is the one I shall put my trust in, and in him I shall find my strength and courage to stand up for justice and truth in my society. Come what may, I shall fight with everything in me, because I know he shall fill me with his power, his spirit and might.

Thank you Lord for always being there for those who put their trust and faith in you. Thank you for opening my heart and mind to your ways father. Teach me to speak your truth and stand out among the crowds with a smile and love on my face for the people of Cameroon. May you stand guard over my comings and goings, so that your will may be fulfilled through me. How awesome are your ways o Jesus? Teach me to love like you and to forgive like you. May my mind, heart and will be forever in tune with yours. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

MY HOME COUNTRY

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Dear Mr. Know It All,

It has been a pleasure knowing you for these many years. You have been my one companion, helping me understand the issues of life. I really do appreciate all the counsel and advise you gave me based on the choices I made. You reminded me so many times of the sufferings of my people back home, the need for me to stay away from home and to make a better life for myself. Hearing from you daily pushed me to work hard so that I could make a difference in the lives of many back home. I was a little girl growing up, not knowing what counsel was right or wrong. I got tossed around by people who had great experiences to offer. Their experiences became my prison as I feared venturing out into the real world and becoming a nobody and joining the crowd of hopeless faces. The fear of not getting a job after my studies grew in me steadily, as a shadow of gloom covered the bright sun rays. Failure knocked at my door as i resisted allowing it to torment my poor weakened mind.

I write to you this letter not to commend you on the works you did for me. In my fear of venturing out on my own, I acquired knowledge and understanding of what my purpose might be. As I was pushed to stay away from my Home Country due to its many problems, my desire to return to it increased. If I stay away, who then shall change it? If everyone stayed away, who would rescue it?

Up till about a two weeks ago, I was still imprisoned by the fear of returning to nothing back home. I desperately searched for jobs in hopes that one might agree to extend my stay here. On realizing that I was fighting a losing battle, I began to drain out all voices inside my head asking me to stay away from home. I told them that I was no longer going to fight their battles to make their wishes come true. I accepted the inevitable truth that I was going back home. When I made that declaration, the Sun rays burst out and the joy in my heart returned. What if there’s a good reason for me to return home? If my Father who has always watched over me is calling me to head home, then I shall do as he wishes.

I love home with all its messes and bruises it has left on my heart. Why should I leave the very place where I found my strength to move forward? My experiences of home have shaped the woman that I am today, and I shall happily go back to it. It has been a long five years, and I am curious as to how things are at home. I want to cry with everyone, smile with everyone, dance in the rain, play football, eat and share every moment with everyone. I have learned how to write, tell stories, build and strengthen people. What better place can I implement this knowledge than home?

Please do no try to stop me, because this here is my last letter to you. I am going home where my heart has always been. There’s so much to do, plan and organize. I am positive and thrilled by the fact that a new adventure awaits me at home. In the past few years, I have gained much strength from my father who rescued me a few years earlier before I left home. He has stood by my side, picking me up when I fall, wiping my tears when the pain becomes too much and making me laugh even when I don’t feel like it. He kept the sun rays barely covered, so that I could always see his smiling face. I want to continue seeing the sun rays smiling down at me happily. Therefore, I shall heed his voice and head home, where I know he will be waiting for me.

Don’t worry about me. I am in better hands already.

Goodbye

G.

Life Through the Spirit

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There are people who are gifted with the Holy Spirit and are able to speak in tongues. Paul says in I Corinthians 13: 1 “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” Receiving the power of the Holy Spirit and having the Spirit in you are two different things. Jesus told the disciples in Acts 1:5,8 “For John baptized with water, but in a few days, you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit….But you will receive power and when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Being baptized in the Holy Spirit is another whole level of understanding, where I believe one needs to be ready and set for God’s will. Their minds need to be ready as well as their physical bodies, to withstand that power and recognize it. If one is in doubt, then that doubt becomes a wall that blocks them from receiving the Holy Spirit. I am not an expert in this, but I do understand myself. However, having the Spirit of God in you is different.

Jesus said in John 16:7-9 “But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that i am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgement: in regard to sin, because men do not believe in me.”  The Holy Spirit lives within each and everyone of us. I believe that when God said in Genesis 1:26 “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…”, He (God) was speaking to the Son and the Holy Spirit, because Jesus said “I and the Father are one”. How are we created in God’s image? God made man out of the dust of the earth, but He (God) breathe life into him. We carry within us a likeness to who God is, but because of sin inherited from our ancestors, we struggle to understand God. Due to our insufficient knowledge and understanding of who God is and our limited abilities to know his character, Jesus promised the Counselor (Holy Spirit), who was there from the beginning to gently lead us to a greater understanding of God. The Holy Spirit awakes within us, when we realize our need for God and it teaches us God’s character, His wisdom, knowledge and understanding of how we should live in God’s likeness. The Holy Spirit that lives within us, convicts us as Jesus said, for things we are doing that are wrong, of things that we ought to do, yet we do not do them and the spirit also guides us to what God wants us to know and understand. The work of the Holy Spirit within us enables us to understand the desires of the sinful nature as well as the desires of God, which sets us apart from those who live for the world. Romans 8:5-8 “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s laws, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.”

When I became a new found Christian, I asked my friend’s mom how one one can continue to read the Bible even when they do not feel like reading it. She helped me understand that we all struggle with those moments, where we loose motivation. However, she said one thing that stuck with me; “When I pick up my Bible everyday, I ask the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me to where I should read and to open my heart to what it has to teach.”

Right after Christmas, a heaviness came over my heart, making God seem so far, causing my body and spirit to have no motivation for reading and praying. I have had these moments a hundred times over, and it never ceases to amaze me that I loose all happiness when these gloomy moods come on. Not a song interested me, or a book or a movie. I just wanted to understand why and what I had done wrong. My friend’s mom’s words reminded me to seek the Holy Spirit. I sat down and prayed, asking the Holy Spirit to lead me to the missing puzzle, because I wanted to enter the new year with an open mind, no regrets and to have every unforgiveness in my heart erased. I wanted a new chapter in my life. As days made it into two weeks, I found myself talking way too much about someone in my life who had just given up without so much of an explanation. I found myself getting upset with every thought of them, recollecting the memories of the times we spent together. Some of those memories brought sadness and I could not make heads or tails. While in church on January 4th, one of the elders stood up and spoke about unforgiveness. He mentioned that some of us may have memories from 2014, in the past that are painful, people in our lives that have hurt us, and we are wondering if we can ever move on. He said we should write them down and leave them behind and move on to the new year, expecting new adventures. Images of my year flashed through my mind, and an inexplicable heaviness fell on my chest and my knees, and every limp in my body went weak. The room seemed to spin and I had to hold unto the chair in-front of me, to avoid passing out. When he asked those who needed prayer to put their hands up, I told my hand to go up, but it would not budge. I plumped down on my chair because my knees could no longer hold me up. I bowed my head to pray, and I felt my friends hand on my shoulders. A warm feeling of recognition flowed through me as reality hit me.

I had been holding back some anger towards  the person that gave up. The spirit all this time had been trying to help me understand that I needed to forgive this one person and move on with my life. After the service, I was way too quiet, trying to be my normal self. This wasn’t going too well, so I started reflecting on my feelings and thoughts. As I spoke to my friend, I had to admit that I was struggling with unforgiveness, and God had been trying to help me see it all. When I entered my house and had lunch, I had a good cry, praying and asking God to forgive me for not forgiving this person. I realized, that I had closed myself from the pain and had not allowed it to bother me, but deep down, I had been hurting. While allowing myself to feel the pain, I realized that I needed to forgive. That was the whole reason why I had such a heaviness on my heart. I prayed some more and asked for forgiveness for not being able to forgive, and I forgave my friend. I was so relieved when the weight on my chest lifted. I slept for a good two hours and watched a sermon on anger and forgiveness (follow link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3wptoGIchw) after I woke up.

Dr. Charles Stanley defined anger as a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility or indignation as a result of a real or imagined threat, insult, frustration or injustice towards yourself or others important to you. Forgiveness however is the giving up resentment against someone and our right to get even no matter what has been done to us(It is surrendering up my right to hurt you back). Unforgiveness is the deliberate willful refusal to give up one’s resentment and the right to get even based on the wrongful thought that somebody needs to pay. These are definitions that I could identify with, which I had unconsciously carried out. There are a lot more things that Dr. Charles focused on, but that day, I realized that I had been struggling with this on my heart, and the Holy Spirit pointed it out to me. From that time on, I have been seeking the Holy Spirit’s counsel in my daily routines, walks and friendships. When we seek God with all our heart and with an open honest heart, he reveals himself to us through the works of the Holy Spirit that lives in us. Living a life through the Spirit enables us to understand the rights and wrongs, the Spirit’s desires as well as the world’s desires. “But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. and if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you” Romans 8:10-11.