As I watched the light seep through my thin curtains announcing the arrival of another new day, my first thought was to spend time with my heavenly father.  Looking over my busy week , I realized that I had not spent enough time with him. My famous friend, guilt, tried to play his part, but I said no thank you. In that instant, i took my Bible and bowed my head to say thank you to my heavenly father who had watched over my insane week and had given me strength to accomplish all i had had on my schedule,  plus a few surprises.  After appreciating his presence with me, I asked him to speak to me, because I wanted to hear his voice and to give him my time. Not letting my past insane week where I barely spent time in his word get to me, I opened my Bible to continue through the Psalms. In answer to my prayer, I read Psalm 84, one of my favorites.  The first two verses served as a great reminder for us to build that deep relationship with God. Rather than fear going to his presence,  we should look forward to spending time with him. Throughout my high school years, I cherished a song based off this Psalm where I would sing with tears streaming down my face. I knew that only in God’s presence would I find peace, love and understanding.  I wanted a relationship with him, which put my whole life in his hands. I preferred to be an outcast, loner than be with people who gossiped, put others down, disregard other’s opinions and took advantage of others and expected me to do the same. I preferred to be a door-keeper in God’s house than to live in a mansion built from dishonest gain. Reading through this Psalms brought back those memories and I realized I did build my relationship with him. He is the same one I met 12 years ago and has remained faithful till today. He has been my sun and shield and has bestowed favor and honor on me. He has not withheld any good thing from me and I will continue to walk in his ways no matter how many times I fall. I get stronger every time I fall.

Although sometimes he gives me the silent treatment,  I know in my heart that he wants to teach me to trust in him. What I want or request may not be in his timing,  hence it enables me to trust in his timetable not mine. Often times it’s hard to know whether he is listening, but we have got to develop that habit of trust and wait upon the Lord to see us through. It gets a little frustrating sometimes,  but don’t give up trusting in him. Yearn for him and sit in front of his door to let him know that you can only do things through his strength and not yours.  Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.