I can attest to what David says in Psalm 32. Many times I have found myself restless, irritated with the way I felt, which caused me to be frustrated by every little thing that people did around me. Even the most cute babies and children, who often charm me, would become annoying to me. In those moments, I find myself withdrawing from people, pushing them away because I either think they are probably making judgments on me. At the end of the day, when I can no longer accommodate such a feeling, I just cry and cry.

It became a pattern which I observed about myself, and God pointed out that it is often when I struggle with sin or unforgiveness in my heart that my feelings turn inside out,  confirming Psalm.32.3-4. When I did not confess my sins, I was worn out from crying all day long.  Day and night, you punished me, Lord; my strength was completely drained, as the moisture is dried up by the summer heat.

The next verse drafts the solution to my weariness and unmotivational attitude in many things in life. I continue to share in David’s experience as it shades more light in my self reflection,  as he says Then I confessed my sins to you; I did not conceal my wrongdoings. I decided to confess them to you, and you forgave all my sins.

After discovering the source of my turmoil and praying about it, God gives me overwhelming joy and happiness.  Daily he teaches me to make him a  part of my daily activity, relating to him and speaking with him as if he was physically present.  If someone meets me on the road or stands outside my door, they might think I am on the phone or I have a visitor in my room. In actual fact, a conversation with God is all there is.

Speaking to God is taking him as your friend.  How do you relate to a friend?  How can we sing, “what s friend we have in Jesus”, and yet we cannot relate with him as a friend and confide in him about everything.  Do you need someone to tell you to pray about it? He is your first confidant and he assures you that your sins are forgiven. We get caught up worrying about what others will think and thus forget who forgives our sins. It will take a long while for our human nature to forgive others or for them to forgive us.  But until they do, we need to confess our sins anyway and allow God to do the rest in those hearts that find it hard to forgive.

The Lord says, “I will teach you the way you should go; I will instruct you and advise you.  Don’t be stupid like a horse or a mule, which must be controlled with a bit and bridle to make it submit.” Even when God forgives us and others forgive us, we hold ourselves back, and often times we feel that we do not deserve their grace. This thus maintains our guilt and shame, creating depressing feelings of failure, worthlessness and good for nothings. We chain ourselves up, creating a prison wall, which makes it hard to break through. This can result in you feeling like a stupid horse or mule, which must be controlled with a bit and bridle to make it submit.

However David encourages us and I encourage you for I have seen and testified as truth, The Lord says, “I will teach you the way you should go; I will instruct you and advise you.  You that are righteous, be glad and rejoice because of what the Lord has done. You that obey him, shout for joy! Back to verse 1-2, he has pardon your sins, therefore be happy.  Why mourn and make your life difficult when God has lifted your yoke? Happy are those whose sins are forgiven, whose wrongs are pardoned.  Happy is the one whom the Lord does not accuse of doing wrong and who is free from all deceit.