“Madame tu as beaucoup manger (madam you have eaten a lot)”, said my formal student from my previous school when she saw my protruding baby bump in a grocery shop. In Cameroon, when someone tells you that you have eaten a lot, it means you are pregnant. In light of the context, I agreed with her that I had eaten a lot. I then asked her if she had finished from her old school, and she said yes. Upon asking her where she was now, she said “in fact, I didn’t go to school this year because there was no money.” When I pressed further to know where she was, she then told me “I have a child who is one year now”. That’s when I helped her come out with the truth by saying “in actuality, you didn’t finish school, but dropped out because you got pregnant.” Without any hesitation, she said yes. I asked her what the matter with young girls these days was. “How can my students have children before me? How many of your classmates already have children? 3 or 4?” She said “Nous sommes sept (we are seven of us)”. Then she turned the stakes on me and asked “et toi madame, tu es toujours avec ton blanc la? C’est lui le pere de ton enfant? (and you madam, are you still with that white man of yours? Is he the father of your child?)”

In my mind I am going, ‘do you young people know that some of us older ones do actually get married?’ I looked at her and said “You mean my husband?” while showing her my wedding ring. She was not aware or bothered that she offended me by how she addressed me. Anyways, I told her “Yes, my husband is responsible for my child, and yes, it is the white gentle man I was engaged to when I taught you people. We got married and have begun our family.” I guess from my tone of voice, she realized that she had offended me. I wasn’t harsh, but I was very firm in making her understand that there is a thing called marriage before children for some of us who understand that.

After our conversation, it got me thinking, ‘Does marriage hold any significance in the societies today anymore? What do parents teach our teens these days?’ When I was in university, I watched students get pregnant in their first year because they were not under their parents’ roofs anymore. Some of these students would sit together and share of how they made out with a stranger at another university over the weekend and lied to their boyfriends that they were at home. It didn’t bother them that their actions were wrong, and they were not making the best choices for their future. They seemed not to have plans of any kind for their future, and life was all about fun and dating. I sat a couple of them and asked if they were the ones paying their tuition in the university, and they said no. Then I asked them why they were bent on not focusing on school? They had no answer. A number of them were pregnant by the end of the school year, and some aborted the children because they were afraid of their parents.

When I got back to Cameroon, I had similar conversations with students in the secondary school I taught at and some students I met on the streets. The girls at this secondary school laughed at me who was a virgin at 26 years old. This then was an indication that out of the 43 girls between the ages of 13-18 years of age that were in the classroom, three-quarter of them were not virgins anymore. No wonder they had no respect for me in the classroom until I began talking to some of them one-on-one to get to the bottom of the issue. The majority of these young people have not had any real role models in their lives to show them the way. Either they are from a dysfunctional family, or they live with relatives who do not give them the home sexual education they need.

In October 2018 on election day, I went to observe the elections in my area and met one of the official security persons who was meant to keep order. He got attached to me and asked me to be his girlfriend with a wife at home. I asked him if he looked at me very well? “Why would I, a married woman, agree to go out with a married man?” He said that the ring meant nothing, and one cannot be bound to only one person. I then told him “I understand that marriage is between a man and a woman who have committed themselves to each other for better or worse. My husband and I never keep secrets from each other, and as a matter of fact, this conversation is going to go straight to him in the next few minutes. If you want me to be your girlfriend, you will  need to go through him first which in any case, I would not agree to go out with you.” He looked at me and asked me what I would say to my husband, and I said “I would let my husband know that there’s a certain man at the polling station who wants to have Mrs. Astic as his girlfriend.” He said I wouldn’t dare, and I took out my phone and began to dial Mr. Astic’s number. I didn’t call Mr. Astic, immediately, but I did later when I needed to update him on what was going on at the polling station. When Mr. Astic arrived at the polling station later with his team of observers, I introduced him to the man, and he felt awkward because he knew I had told my husband about him.

If these young people have these kinds of parents in their lives, how can they know the difference between marriage and having affairs? Why wouldn’t they think it is alright for them to live promiscuous lives while attending school? Engaging in grown up activities is so prevalent in our societies today such that young people no longer have respect for those who actually understand that families are built within a certain framework for a reason; children need to be raised in a home that actually want and desire them. Yet, no one is there to tell these girls that when they have unprotected sex , they will have a child they are not ready for.

Just three weeks ago, I went for my maternity visit. On my way back, I saw a young girl not older than 14 years ago coming down a hill. She stopped to take a breath, and I saw her protruding stomach and a sharp pain went through my heart. ‘What was she thinking at this age?’ She stared straight at me while I drove by. ‘Why do the married ones have to compete with children to have children?’ was another thought that went through my mind. My heart broke for this young girl and all the other ones whom I have heard reports of up in the north west region of Cameroon. They are just children and have forgone their education for maybe a ‘one-night-stand’ lured by what????

Have we lost the virtues once held about marriage to the point that eleven-year-olds both boys and girls begin to engage in adult activities? I watched a youtube video on a teenage girl 13 years old who gave birth a day after her parents realized she was pregnant. What struck me about this case was her attitude towards her baby. She would not take care of the baby, spend time with the baby or look at the baby. On her birthday, friends and families brought her birthday gifts which were basically things for the baby, and she broke down and cried. She said “it is my birthday and why are all my gifts for the baby. It is not her birthday.” This took me to a TV show, Paternity Court, my husband and I have been watching. Judge Lauren’s words echoed in my mind “This is the reason why children should not have children”. They are still children and don’t know that when you bring a child into this world, you forgo your rights as a child and become a parent. Where are the role models in their lives?

From the many episodes we watched, these twenty-some-year-olds to 50 broke down and said that they didn’t know how to be better parents because they never had one or both parents in their lives. If they did, the example was exactly what they are today. How can these young ones act differently if the role models in their lives are exactly like them? Does this mean that they are a lost generation then?

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” Hebrews 11:1

My journey with the Lord began fourteen years ago when I felt alone in my bedroom in the village needing love and affection from a father. I said to the Lord, “I have heard that you are a loving father since the age of 10. I have no father to whom I can run to and share my day’s happenings with, or one who can reassure me when my heart is broken, or one who can defend me from young men. Over and over, I have been told that you are a loving father. If I entrust my heart to you, will you protect it for me? If you are able to be the father that everyone talks about, then come into my life.”

From that moment on, my journey began with lots of trials and temptations. My faith was challenged beyond measures, and many times, I almost succumbed to the demands of the society. However, I refused to be swayed by my enemies in horrific nightmares, persecutions from families and neighbours. Two years went by, and my horrific dark dreams began to have the heavens open up for a hand to reach down and pick me up. Finally at age 18, I made a commitment and publicly proclaimed it at 19 years of age when I got baptized.

My final year of high school began my faith journey where I allowed God to lead me through the plans he had for my life. My plan A had been to do physiotherapy as my career, but I had not the means to pursue it. Hence, Plan B which was to study Bible took the front line, and I got accepted to Daystar University in Kenya three weeks before the semester began. You may be wondering where faith comes in this part, and you are right to wonder. Don’t worry, you have not that much to wait.

Well!! Here I was with three weeks to depart for a country I have never been to, but I had no passport or a visa. YEAH!!! What fun. So my grandma Vreni Geiger embarked on a journey to obtain three passports for three aspiring students. Within the three weeks, we prayed for passports that often take 3 months to come out, and they came out. This was a miracle and confirmation that God obviously was present. We believed in the impossible, and God came through for us.

Many other events took place throughout the four years I had in Kenya, where I believed in God’s plan for my life, and he came through for me. I graduated with a Double B.A in Biblical and Religious Studies and Peace and Conflict Management.

Fast forward to my love life, I found myself with two weeks left in the United Kingdom. It dawned on me that I was in-love with this man with whom I have spent the last four months watching animes, editing academic papers late in the morning and due the very same day, cooking, doing dishes together, taking late night walks, enjoying hot choco and coffee at MacDonald at midnight and just being there for each other in developing our personal understanding of the world around us. When I came to the realization that I was in-love with him, I had two choices. Not knowing what his feelings towards me were, the first choice was to walk away and not change the nature of our relationship of being good friends. Again, curiosity and wanting to know his feelings towards me developed my second decision which was to tell him and hear what he had to say.  As I poured out my heart to the Lord, he encouraged me to go by faith. He would still be there fore me no matter the results. A week before my departure, I plugged up enough courage after dinner one evening and told him. I said, “I have something I need to tell you.” He said, “I have something I need to tell you.” “You go first” was what I said next. He goes “you go first.” So, I highlighted the fact that my feelings for him went beyond friendship. As I held my breath, he looked at me and said, “That’s exactly what I wanted to tell you.” A whole load was taken off my chest as he took me into his hands. Together, we both realized that we had been holding back our feelings for each other afraid of what the other might say. Hence, we never dared share them outloud. Another evidence of God’s plan was unfolded in our relationship.

Standing at the Manchester airport and not knowing when we would see each other again on January 24, 2015, we committed to a long distance relationship by faith. We called each other every night at 7p.m for an hour to talk, and it enabled us to maintain communication back and forth. Knowing the challenge to apply for a visa to Europe, my grandma Vreni asked me to visit her in Switzerland. I went to the Swiss Embassy and explained that I wanted to go and visit the woman who raised me. I mentioned to them that my grandma had lived 40 years in Cameroon and was known by the ambassador. They took my application forms and asked me to tell her to send a number of other documents. She did, and I obtained a visa. Joffrey and I met up at my grandma’s in June 2015, spent some time with her and my little brother in Germany before we flew to France. If God had not been there to guide every step of the visa process, I would not have made it to any place.

After the visit, it wasn’t till another 18 months apart that we saw each other again in Cameroon. By faith, we chatted every night and made plans for the future as if they were already there. Trusting in God’s unfailing promises and the plans he had for us, we lived our lives as if the trials didn’t exist. Finally in October 2016, Joffrey showed up in Cameroon, we travelled to the village, and he asked for my hand in marriage. At the end of the month, he travelled back to France, and we made plans for me to visit him in December 2016. Guess what? Visa time again!! What fun!!!

Already scared by what people had said about the French Embassy, I went down on my knees and prayed to God for guidance. I filled in my application form, brought in all the supporting documents and met the most amazing woman at the case. Contrary to what I had heard, this woman was supportive, encouraging and not intimidating in her manner of speaking. Although some documents needed to have been separated, she pointed it out with lots of advise rather than anger. At the end of the day, I got my visa and travelled.

Flash forward to 2019, I finally witnessed what people had told me three years prior. At the case this time, I met a very impatient woman who intimidated me in every way. After she understood that I was going to visit my husband’s family, she asked me if I was pregnant and the answer was yes. Her whole attitude changed, and she asked for more documents than was cited on the application form. She gave me less than a couple hours to obtain all those documents, if not my application would be rejected. Surprise!!! Even after I obtained the documents in due time, my visa was denied on May 27,2019. I looked at the empty passport in my hands and said “Lord, I don’t know what your plans are, but if your plan is for me to travel, then I will travel. Nobody will stop me from travelling.” In as much as I believed that God was in this and only his glory will shine against human devices, it still broke my heart to watch my mother-in-law and sister-in-law cry because we had not seen each other since our wedding.  All I could do was pray in my heart that God would make a way. Sure enough, he did.

Mom in France met a lady who gave her a number to another woman who worked in the court in her town. She called the lady, and she asked her to have me send all the required documents that had been asked of me. I did, and we just prayed and waited. Counting down weeks to our departure on June 30, 2019, we heard nothing from anyone. Still trusting that that I would travel if it was within God’s will, I sat in the house working when I received an unknown call on Monday June 25,2019. Sure enough, it was from the embassy and the lady asked me to bring my husband’s residence card within an hour. I highlighted to her that it was impossible for me to make it within that time frame, and if she could at least give me two hours. She said okay. A few minutes later, she called back and said I should instead come on Wednesday with my passport and obtain my visa. On Wednesday, I walked into the office with Joffrey and were asked to come back in a few hours to collect the passport. I came back and walked back out with a visa in it.

I had learnt to trust in God’s strength, will and might more than trusting in my own strength or in the strength of influential people. If God chose to use them, then it was his will not mine. From the moment we realized that there were people out there fighting on our behalf, I knew that God truly wasn’t asleep. No matter where I am or the situation that I find myself, I believed that God would be present. Many may not appreciate my honesty and heart for justice, but God in his holy place sees every heart and touches it as he sees fit.

I just wanted to share these foundations of faith because God’s plans are not ours, and he often looks at our hearts and our reactions to situations we believe we are right. Yet, he does not often let us have what we want when we think we ought to have it. I am glad to be a vessel he can use to manifest his power and justice. The journey of faith is not always easy, but it allows his others to know that God does not work according to our agenda. He works in his own time, and we need to learn to trust him and let him have his way even when we feel like we have missed the date line. God is sovereign always, and this is the Psalms I borrowed when I received the visa:

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in him. 

Psalms 40:1-3

There are more synopsis of faith in my life, but I have ran out of space.

How does your faith journey look like?