I woke up this morning and was wondering how I would spend time with God. As I sat quietly, a conversation I had with a friend on esteem flash through my mind. A voice said ‘Share your story’, and that’s when I knew what my conversation with God and the circle of friends reading this would be.

About 12 years ago, I got pimples on my face a year after I hit puberty. That didn’t bother me much, because I had seen my aunt’s pimples treated. Three years later, the pimples aggravated, and I was blamed for pinching them, eating fatty foods, putting too much oil in my food and doing all what nots, which wasn’t true. It didn’t help that I was a sports person, spending half my days playing under the sun. After playing, my face would burn  and peel off. We went and saw a doctor who prescribed some pills. The pills messed up my hormonal system because they were given in line with pills for my knees. So, I stopped the pills altogether. The pimples disappeared for a while and and returned with great intensity.

For a while, I refused to concentrate on my appearance because it brought depression. I wondered what people thought when they looked at my face.  Over the years, people gave me all sorts of advice: do this and do that. I kept asking God, why he could not just take it away. He was able to heal the lame, raise the dead and heal the woman who had been suffering for years. Why couldn’t he just take this away from me?

Four years at university, I refused to let it bother me. Once again, everyone had an opinion on what they thought I should do. A lady gave me a soap bar to use, and it burnt my face completely. Hence, I barred any advice from any jack or jill. However, towards my last year in 2012, I went to see a dermatologist.  She asked me what I used on my face, and if the sun aggravated my pimples. I was not too happy with her for she prescribed to me some pills, cream and lotion and told me to come back after a month when I had hoped for an explanation, a screen test on my face and the reason why I have had these for years. Well, I went home and obediently took the pills, and had my face burnt by the cream and everyone asking me what I did to my face. I was sick from internal bleeding for a week and got a fever, which my body battled with. It was about two weeks later, when one of my dear sisters from another mother was travelling back to her home country, and she wanted a roomie photo. Now looking back, I was not particularly thrilled about the photos because my face looked scared and battered. I felt really ugly and unfit to see myself. To cover my feelings up, I switched into my old self, which used to be ‘Tomboy’. As long as I acted tough, nothing could get to me. That was a lie I kept telling myself.

After I moved to the cooler area of Nairobi, the temperature improved my face along with aloe vera scrub and honey soap that I had found. My pimples began to disappear, allowing me to feel pretty and happy. It started dawning on me that I have for years thought myself ugly because of my pimples. I had defined my happiness based on how I looked and what people thought of me.

I broke down and told God I was sorry. I asked him to take it away once and for all. I was talking and not listening as I have always done half the time. I went back to see the dermatologist, but she was not there and I never went back. My face cleared up and I was able to take a photo like this one below. Everyone wanted to know my secret, but I had no secret to tell. I just explained exactly what had happened, not to mention that I was in the hospital for a week going through other treatments. I do believe those many injections and pills had something to do with the quick recovery of my face. So for 8 months I enjoyed a cleared pretty face.

Just when I was about to travel home to Cameroon, a week before my departure, I went back to the campus I had lived in for 3 years. With the hard water they had, my pimples came back like they never left. O my word. I could not believe it. I am going home and was hoping to show my mother my face without pimples and now I have nothing to show but more pimples. I felt back into depression, although I had smiles on my face. I lost confidence in many things and just wanted to hide my face especially now that I had given up my coping mechanism and just wanted to be a normal lady.

Back home I returned not knowing what my family would say. They didn’t have much time to comment, for I left two months later to England for my masters. While in England, I saw a dermatologist, and he truly took his time to screen my face. As a result, he highlighted that I had severe acne. Severe acne occurs when there’s excessive male hormones in a female. When I heard those words from his mouth and the explanation, the healing process began in me. I no longer blamed myself for the things I ate. Sleeping became easier, and my stress levels went down. He prescribed some pills and a pomade for me. Within six months, there was a great change in my facial appearance, and my self confidence skyrocketed once again.

This time around, I asked God to give me the confidence I needed not from the medications but from him alone. My relationship with God blossomed as my face fluctuated back and forth between acne and clear skin. After the 6 month treatment, everything continued smoothly till I returned home to Cameroon and faced the heat. Gradually, the pimples returned with heat, and I gave up everything. I refused to let it bother me.

Then, I realized that I had accepted my situation and chose to be happy in it. My fiance supported me by sharing his own story. We both had similar stories to share concerning acne. He had also battled through it as a teenager, and it just recently disappeared. I gained more courage to face the friends. As my attitude improved about them, my depression disappeared with no trace. Now, I sing and dance in the face of change on my face. One moment, I will have a clear smooth face, and the next I will be swimming in pimples. However, I still find joy and use my experience to help other girls going through similar issues.

God healed me from the inside out.