Yesterday was quite a day for me. As I walked into my volunteering place in the morning, I tried to find my happiness. My happiness in the mornings often comes from a beautiful quiet moment with God and a song. But if I had not had that beautiful talk with my father in the morning, then I feel a little guilty. Lisa (boss) read the story of Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42). For many people who do not know the story, the summary is this: Jesus comes to visit Martha and Mary. Martha busy herself with making refreshments and yummy stuff for the guests, while Mary like some people who don’t like work, lazily (according to some of us and Martha) sits and listens to Jesus speak. Martha gets mad that she’s not helping and complains to Jesus. Jesus says Martha, you made a choice to worry about food and Mary made a choice to sit and listen to the word. Mary has chosen wisely. He was not saying Martha was not doing right, but that this could have been done later or earlier before Jesus arrived (My thought). It is all about what we do first. The question was, are you a Martha or a Mary?

As we were discussing and reflecting on our daily lives, I realized how much of a Martha I had become in the past few weeks. I have been worrying about my upcoming driving theory test; the amount of time I was not spending with God; finding a job or travelling home; relationships; friends and what my future will be like. Alison shared something she had gotten over the weekend along the same lines. We the Marthas worry a lot about the things of the past and the things of the future. We forget to live for the present and we live in the past and the future. The past speaks of the things we did wrong, or could have done and should have done. It holds us bondage as we try to understand the outcomes had we done what we didn’t do. Or we appreciate the past more than the present and relive what we had in the past and not the present. For the future, we are afraid of what it will look like. We worry about jobs (me and others), our decisions and the people in our lives, as well as the circumstances. All this worrying prevents us from listening to God and talking to him. When we do talk to him, we find ourselves distracted from all the worrying. God tells us to cast all our anxiety on him.

This morning as I woke up, I was really excited for the day. I took my Bible out and kept saying thank you Lord for a new morning. I realized I was merely repeating what I do every morning. I found myself distracted by so many things. Thoughts of my friends came into my mind. I tried singing a song to get back into the quiet mood, but nothing really happened. I began worrying about my quiet time. If it is not productive, then I will probably not have a productive day. For a good 10mins I tried praying many times, but the right words were not coming out. I started thinking about the jobs I had applied to and how none of them had responded to me. I started questioning my heart and what if I was pretending to be ok with God making the decision for me. All these things going through my mind, I could not even find my Father in the mist of all these things in my mind and heart. I wanted to cry, but felt empty and very distracted and seeing so many wrongs. That’s when I remembered the devotions yesterday and what we had discussed about. The Bible says that we cannot serve two masters at once, or we will favour one over the other. This morning, I was feeding my worries rather than having a peaceful quiet and honest time with God.

I closed my eyes and opened my hands as a sign of surrender. I began the prayer by thanking God for who he was and for being there for me even when I get distracted. As I thanked him for the many ways he has been there for me, revealing himself in his word, I found the words easily. The words flooded out like they had been holding back for years. I began to feel his presence with me, and my heart was in line with his. I marvelled at his goodness and love. That when I realized that talking to God should be something natural, because it comes from your heart and it shouldn’t be a rehearsed prayer. Most often, we come with an agenda and forget to let him know that we love him always even if our requests are not met. I was able to smile and trust that God knows exactly what he is doing. Even being able to write these words, was a miracle from him, for I had tried writing two times, but couldn’t find the right words.

We need to remember that what we are doing today is what the Lord wants us to do NOW. We should learn to live in the now and not worry about the things of life. We can acknowledge that things need to be done, but we cannot busy ourselves with doing so much that we forget to nourish our spirits. We cannot focus on being there for a friend if we cannot devote the same amount of time or even more to God. We shouldn’t let our work become everything that we do not spend that time with God. If it was not for him, you will not be where you are today. Being a Martha is beautiful, but sometimes you just need to become a Mary and listen to God’s voice. Don’t think you know better than he does.