Every person has their own personal childhood stories. Sometimes one can relate with them and most often, their story is unique and should be treated as such. My past is mine to remember and change certain things for my own children and other children, but I won’t change the good things that happened to me. I will appreciate them and commend them to any child anywhere.

God has placed a love for children over my heart so much that I can explode with love for them. Hmmmm. Not sure what kind of statement I just made. I began babysitting when I was five years old. At that age today, some children don’t even know how to hold their own sibling or even share with one another. I remembered being a very obedient girl, which was the case for most children who grew up in homes where they were to be seen and not heard. so I dedicated myself to taking care of children. With them, I was free to be me. This love grew even deeper as I got older and became a Christian.

When I asked Jesus into my heart at sixteen years, I thought superb, now everything in my life will be a smooth ride. Boy! Was I down for some major disappointment. I felt the same way and constantly had nightmares of demons trying to kill me for a consecutive two years. I almost gave up on God in those two years. My attitude became stronger than before. My grandmother cried many tears in those two years, for she could not understand me. I couldn’t understand myself and wanted her to help me understand me. We both didn’t know how to help each other, thus we concluded that the other was a terrible person. Things were going on inside of me that I didn’t know how to deal with them.

In the summer of 2006, I went for training as a Child Evangelism Fellowship Bible Club teacher. I understood Jesus love for children and wanted to share it with them. In all honesty, I found myself struggling very much. I myself was new to grasping this love, and wasn’t sure how to show it to the children. I would get frustrated when they would not listen. In the summer of 2007, when I was turning eighteen years, I went for the second training, and this time, I was more aware of God’s love and care for me. I could see a change in who I was, and what I was becoming. This time i was crying out for people to realize the change in me. After the training and returning from the mission work, I decided to start a Bible Club for Children in French, with the help of my best friend and her family. I barely knew how to speak French, but was determined. I was still struggling with anger issues and forgiveness, and still didn’t know how to react to children who were not listening and only came to disturb. I couldn’t beat them. It would make no difference between me and their parents at home. My only cry was for them to understand how much God loved and cared for them. I wanted them to have dreams for their future and visions.

It would break my heart so much when young boys of thirteen would be whistling at teenage girls or little girls and asking them to go to bed together. I would look up to heaven and cry.  I knew that their parents had no restrictions to the kind of movies and shows these children watched. Now that I look back, I thank God for my grandmother’s role in my life. She was firm and strict, but she protected me from becoming what most children became around me. Many girls my age had children before they were sixteen and I could not understand why. I wanted so bad to do something for the future generation, and that was God’s calling for me. I knew I had to work with Children around the world, especially those on the streets and vulnerable homes.

Sometimes we have dreams and visions and they come with lots of roses like in Mary Poppins. Everything in your head seems so beautiful and wonderful, and everyone is understanding and happy. That’s the beauty of imagination, which makes everything so simple. Now if we live in that little world of imagination without a strong heart for the reality, then when reality does hit, it will knock us out. I want to start an Organization for Street Children in Cameroon and from there see where God wants me to start another one. So I want to learn how to walk at home before I can fly in the sky. In the past few months of hanging out with some children in my neighbourhood, I have been able to recap myself with the reason for wanting to work with children in the first place.

These children have been a challenge to me emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. The words that come out of their mouths leave me breathless. The attitudes they have, and the way they treat their elders just resonates certain rhythms in me that I thought I had dealt with.

Today was one of those days. I had been helping our Youth and Children’s Worker at church arranging for these children to attend a Mega Holiday Club at church, for the past three weeks. These children were excited and ready to go to the club. I was excited and  looked forward to organizing transport for them and taking them there. However, when I went to collect the forms from their parents two families signed and the third family said they would sign it. On Thursday when I went to collect the forms, the last family said they cannot because they are afraid of social workers and the Police. Then one of the families that had signed also said she was not comfortable to let her children go. She had the largest number. So the ten children who had signed up were down to two.

When the two learnt that their friends were not coming, they said goodbye to their mom, and once outside of their house, they took off leaving me there. “If the others are not going, then we are not also going”. They ran off and I had to chase them down. When I did find them, they were playing with the other boys. All four boys ganged up on me, beating me, insulting me and saying as many hurtful things and curse words as they could. They couldn’t understand that I could not take the other boys without their parents’ consent. I just sat on a bench and cried. I was physically, emotionally and spiritually drained.

How was I to show God’s love to these children, if I reported them to their parents? They would never trust me again or listen to anything I say. How was I to help them understand their parents were just looking out for their interest? It was not my place to drag the other two to a Holiday Club, hence I sat down, wanting to beat them up. They were really hurting me physically, and I just prayed for them. I cried not because of the pain, but because I knew they were so ignorant and didn’t understand how to love. They have not been shown that love and thought everything they wanted could be gotten through a fist.

As I sat on the bench and prayed for them, I remembered that Jesus loves all the little children of the world. If loving them means I have to take the bitter lemon and swallow it just so I can earn their trust and show them love, then I would do it for the sake of my savior. Beating a child for some of us who grew up through that method as a sign of discipline and love would sound ideal and effective. How different would we be from their parents who never say any encouraging words to these kids? As they stood there watching me cry, some began to feel guilty. God bless one child who was not taking part and he tried to explain to them how unfair they have been to me, when all I have ever done was to be nice to them. He made me cry even more, because he often thinks before he acts. I love them all and will take all the bullets if necessary, and I know Jesus’ heart was breaking for them. I will not stop being their friend. If this is what I shall face in the future, then let all the obstacles fall. I shall not be broken. Thanks to Group 1 Crew for reminding me that God said ‘I won’t give you more, more than you can take, I might let you bend, but I won’t let you break’. That was a song I listened too while in tears and got so much courage when the next song was Courageous by Casting Crowns.

These children are a gift from God and I shall love them the same way he loves me and will break down for them. Now I have seen a glimpse of my journey and I know my source of strength is not in how much I love these kids, but in how much God loves them and wants me to help them see him. With these words, I shall trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways, I shall acknowledge his will and power in my life, for I know he alone can make my path straight.

OK: Still drain and with a massive migraine slowly creeping in.