Prostrating before God and letting go everything is one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had in worship. When we seek God with all our hearts, do we go down on our knees; lay flat on our stomachs or do we sit on comfortable beds, sit on cushioned seats (not that anything is wrong with them)? If you have never had the experiences of lowering yourself like a dog, then I suggest you should try sometime. In the Old Testament (OT), we are told stories of people like Esther, Daniel, Ezekiel, David and many others, who took off their clothes and wore torn sack clothes, to go before God. This was in situations beyond their control, and they went to seek for his intervention. I was fascinated with David, who after understanding the full impact of his sin with Bethsheba, prostrated before God for three days without food or drink. When the child died, he got up and ate. PUZZLING. I was fascinated with him, because he laid flat on his stomach with his face to the floor, praying and I am guessing asking for God’s forgiveness for the atrocity he has committed, along with the crime of adultery. He should his hopelessness and inability to fix the damage he has done. God heard him and forgave him, at a price.

As I prostrated myself before God with the heaviness on my heart for the things I could not understand, tears from nowhere came rushing like a fountain that has been blocked for years. I was surprised to find tears and pain swelling up inside of me, because a few minutes earlier, I had been listening to music, dancing around my room and thinking over my life. The moment, I laid on my side, the tears started without me evoking them. When I turned flat on my stomach on the floor, not caring what was on that floor, they floods could not stop. I then realized what was happening. My inability to fix what was going on in my life, was being laid before God, because no one would know that this was the burden I was carrying, when all they ever see is smiles on my face.

I asked God to make my path straight, because I was confused in my walk. I was lost and feeling alone in dealing with my relationships in my personal life. In all honesty, I just wanted to give up everything and cut everyone out of my life, especially when it comes to the man I love. As I laid there before God pouring out my heart to him, God reminded me that he is also hurting and lost just as I am. I really didn’t want to hear it, because I have been hurt so many times and have forgiven so many times. When God reminded me over and over that he was also hurting, that made me realized that he too is struggling just like me. He has been telling me to give him time, but I didn’t understanding how much time, because I was thinking of all that we have been through and it looks like I was the only one who learnt much from our struggles.

I told God that I won’t stop prostrating before him every day till he has given me an answer to what I need to do next. This man did not come into my life because I wanted him, but because he fulfilled a promised I made with God at the age of 18. After laying there for close to 30 minutes, I got up and took my Bible out. I have been reading through the book of Luke, and yesterday morning I read chapter 12. So after praying last night, I took out my Bible and opened chapter 13. As I read the chapter, Verse 6-9 stood out to me. Jesus told the parable of a fig tree that wasn’t bearing fruit after 3 years and the man wanted to cut it down. So he told the man who took care of it to cut it down, but the man said “Sir… leave it alone for one more year and I will dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.” This to me was my leading answer that I believe Jesus has given me. I felt like I was the man who owns the fig tree and wants to cut it down. Jesus however is telling me to give it one more year.

You might take it as a coincidence, but I take it as an answer because people in the Bible got their prayers answered. My next question was, ‘how will I go about this LORD? I need you to show me the right path to follow. I don’t want to mess up your plan with my emotions and feelings. Now that you have told me to wait, how am I supposed to wait without getting too impatient?’ God is the same yesterday in the OT and today and forevermore.